Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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