Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
