there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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