My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
