glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
