It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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