so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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