Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
