I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
