I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
