she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
