I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
