Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
