Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
