All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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