More tranny stories later!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
