OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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