and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
