1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
