Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
