i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
