Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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