If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
