You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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