so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
A bitchslap is in order.
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