Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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