I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
