who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
