I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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