She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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