all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
