Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
