I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
