I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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