We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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