Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
