Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
