two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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