he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
