But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
