Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
