Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
