Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize