That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
