Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
