i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
