jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
