We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So squirting runs in the family.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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