I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
