I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
