Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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