I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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