even my farts smell like vagina
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
