Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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