Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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