I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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