one might say we're banned from that church
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
