I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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