I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
