Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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