You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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