I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Operation Purity has been aborted
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
