My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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