my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
