Quick, to the slutcave!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize