So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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