I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
