I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
