If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
