you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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